The Last Time I Ever Really Felt Anything//Bonnilee Kaufman

she sidled up next to me
the way appetite slips savory
palm in mine & I felt

youthful, connective tissues firing
desire almost shy embrace
but that was then

& it was COVID
& everything off limits
& who did we think we were

maskless the new naked
how we dared
lips

but it’s confounding
tempting fate with contagion
afterwards both so scared

slathering ourselves sterile
we each retreated
fingers sheathed numb inside
blue plastic gloves.

Lambda Literary Fellow Bonnilee Kaufman is a proud aging lesbian femme who has read her poetry on Sunset Boulevard; Women’s Jazz Festival, Palm Springs; CIRCA 2023 Sapphic Voices & CIRCA 2024 Succulent Seniors; OUTWRITE DC ‘23 & ‘24. Her book reviews and poems have appeared in various publications including, The Journal of Lesbian Studies, Women in a Golden State, 42 Stories Anthology, Feminist Center For Creative Work, Wild Crone Wisdom, Selfish, Gyroscope Review, ang(st) journal, & Sinister Wisdom.